Behind starburst eyes

Value and Worth Aren’t The Same

I’ve noticed that many people seem to be attracted to or pulled towards those that see their value. Western society seems to equate someone noticing all we could do for them with importance and therefore we crave our value being recognized by others.

What I’ve also noticed is that we seem to view our value to others as being the same as our worth. Only, I don’t see it that way. For me, my value is what I can do for another, my worth is what I bring to the table as a whole. One is about what I can do for them, the other is simply about me as a person.

For example, when Mr.N was a year old my value to him high as he needed allot of things because he was only a baby, but my worth was low because I was not viewed as an individual so much as I was the provider of food, comfort, clean diapers and security. However, now at almost 10, he can feed himself, cook basic meals, wash and dress himself and so on and so my value is lower but my worth is higher because he sees more of who I am as a person. This is a natural progression for children of course.

However, I think for many adults we still get stuck looking and evaluating people based on their value instead of their worth. Basically, we get stuck focusing on what specific dishes they bring to our table that we can consume instead of the worth they bring to our table with their presence.

While I’m sure part of this is due to a primitive survival mechanism that makes us seek out those that can help us have a better life (or thrive), I wonder if it’s something we need to consider as no longer inherently necessary.

How much better would it be if we attempted to develop relationships (platonic as well as romantic) with those who’s worth we saw instead? Would we be happier overall if we stopped focusing on what others can actively do for us and intentionally developed relationships based on the worth we saw within others instead?

I ponder these things because secretly adults that primarily view my value feel like a burden to be honest, I feel like the only reason they ask me to their table is for what I can provide that they will use/consume. I want to be invited because they see my worth as a whole person, not for what I can do for them, and I don’t view my value to another and my worth as a person to be the same thing.

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My Child’s Inner Voice

peggy omara Peggy O’Mara said “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice” She was right, on so many levels she was right. The way we talk to them directly effects how they will think of themselves as they grow up, and once they are grown. IF they are always told things that break down their self-esteem and make them feel bad about themselves they will eventually grow into adults that believe they are not worthwhile. There are many times in each persons life where circumstances or events feel unfair or cruel or outright horrendous. We as parents do not need to make those situations worse by instilling a lack of self-worth in them, when that is exactly what they need to help them get through those times. The world isn’t fair, and life can be intensely cruel, I want, no I need to know that my children’s inner voice will tell them a few specific things when those times happen to them:

1)  You are an amazing being worthy of respect.

2) You are loved exactly as you are, and you are worthy of love exactly as you are.

3) There is always a solution, it might not be easy but it’s possible to make anything better than it is.

4) You are capable of creating that solution and following through with it.

It is because I know that my words will become their inner voice that I try to choose very carefully what I say to them, especially when I am upset or disappointed with their actions. They will make mistakes and bad choices at times as all human beings do! But how I speak to them, and what I say will effect them deeply, so I am mindful of what I say because I want their inner voice to be a positive one.

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