Behind starburst eyes

He looked straight ahead…

Nearly 15 years ago I wrote about watching my (at the time only) boy walk away from me and towards the adventure of joining other kiddos at a new program at our local community centre. I stood and waited while he was going in incase he looked for the reassurance that I was still there…for the first time he didn’t look back.

He was confident and secure and beginning to spread his little wings. A woman looked at me and asked if he was my first. At the time I responded that he was my only one. She attempted to reassure me by telling me I’d be more “free and easy” once I had another. That I wouldn’t be standing there with my heart in my throat as he walked away when I had other wee ones as well.

He’s now 1 of 5 children that call me mum, and yet the tears still came as I watched him walk away today. I didn’t feel any different than I had 15 years ago; I was still holding my breathe and waiting to wave and smile encouragingly if he looked back…only he didn’t look back this time. He walked with confidence through security towards his solo flight across the country to visit his bestie on the east coast. I’m glad he didn’t look back, for his sake because I was crying and I knew his still gentle heart wouldn’t want to see my tears…for my sake because as hard as it is to watch him walk away I’m so filled with pride at the confidence that filled his stride as he headed towards a new adventure without me.

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Corona’s Effect on Mental Health

It’s been months since Covid-19 became a worldwide epidemic, and while I am truly, deeply thankful that my family has not experienced this virus directly, sadly it still has had an impact on my children through their mental health.

He used to be gregarious, he used to be fearless, he used to be happy and confident…Used to be…

It makes my heart ache to see the changes in him, to see how scared he is to even leave the house because as he puts it “It’s invisible, I can’t see it, I can’t fight it” He used to be thrilled to pop over to the store for me, and he’d always ask if he could pick up something for dessert for everyone in addition to the bread or milk I was usually asking for. Now, his first response is “Or I could not go” with a pleading face as he says it. He used to love going for runs, now he says “there’s too many people”. He would rather forgo takeout or new toys if he has to go outside for them.

So instead I don’t ask him to go for me, but I do ask him to go with me. I’m willing to walk with him, because I’m determined to make him go out (while of course allowing precautions such as a mask and hand sanitizer) because he can’t stay locked inside for the next however long. It’s not healthy for him.

I know this might be a long road for him, but I remember when he was 2 and would have uncontrollable meltdowns when we’d walk different routes home from Airzone, he’d cry that it “wasn’t the right way home”. Back then I knew he had to learn there were many ways to get to somewhere, physically and metaphorically. I would hold him and tell him over and over he was loved and safe and I understood and he was my wonderful brave boy as he cried for hours even after we got home.

This is no different, I’ll be there each step of the way offering him love and support as I help him walk this hard path. I love him enough to do the hard things because he always has been and always will be worth the effort to help him thrive.

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Just 2 in 2 million

Recently Mr.C won a couple of tickets to appear in the audience of YTV’s “The Next Star Season 7” (which airs on Mondays at 7pm) Through various circumstances the 3 people he’d thought to bring were unavailable and so it was just he and I that went. While at first I was sad for him that his friends were unable to attend with him, I cherished getting some one on one time with him. Him waiting for the bus to go to the studio:

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After he was done at the studio we hopped on buses and subways and travelled to Chinatown where we spent an unforgettable afternoon/evening. We window shopped, and shared yummy desserts from a little bakery. We laughed and chatted as we ducked in and out of different shops with their colourful wears and tempting foods. I didn’t buy myself anything, mostly because I got the best gift I could in the hours spent with my eldest son. He’s getting so big, almost a decade has passed since I first came face to face with one of the greatest loves of my life. When I had a really bad dizzy spell while we were out, he was calm and sweet as he smiled at me and reminded me that it was a trick of my mind and that nothing was spinning around us. While I listened to his words, so much like his father’s that I had to smile, what brought me to tears was the beauty of his serene smile and his determination to make sure I felt okay. He’s such a good person, through and through that I wonder how I got so lucky to have him.

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I’ve promised him we’ll go back to Chinatown again soon, and I offered that we could bring people with us next time if he wanted. He looked at me and solemnly told me he’d rather it be just us two, cause he likes our one on one time just as much as I do. Or should I say 2 in 2 million when we spend our day in Toronto 😉

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Growth Spurts and Autism

 

Growth spurts are a time of constant flux in the entire body. They are a time where all the chemicals of the body are busy creating new growth, they are a time of rapid development of bones, skin, muscle and even brain matter. When someone is Autistic their neural pathways work differently from the get go, but they are the same as everyone in the fact that their bodies are always trying to return to a state of homoeostasis. Homoeostasis is the tendency of an organism to try and maintain it’s internal equilibrium.

However during growth spurts the body is far away from it’s ideal state of homoeostasis, even during sleep.

In the brain specifically the white matter will increase greatly from ages 4 to 20. White matter is the part responsible for relaying signals and messages from one section of the brain to another, it is responsible for sending sensory and motor stimulus to the central nervous system to create a response.

What does that mean for an Autistic child or adolescent? It means that the part of the brain that sends sensory signals is rapidly growing, which means new pathways developing, and just like in a field, it takes time for a pathway to become easy to walk, and familiar.  This means their brains are trying to send signals through new channels.

It makes sense that they will have more difficulties during those times of rapid growth with many aspects of daily living that they might not have had as much difficulty with pre or post growth spurt.

 

Areas of difficulties can include:

1) Speech production such as pronunciation, and echolalia

2) Sleep patterns can be disrupted and more irregular than what is typical for that individual

3) Transitions may be more difficult and they may need more time and help to adjust to changes in activity or location

4) Repetitive and Stereotypic Behaviours may be increased as they provide comfort and self-soothing to the individual

5) Emotional Regulation may be decreased as they are already struggling to return to homoeostasis and may feel closer to being emotionally overloaded from the moment they wake up than what is typical for that individual.

 

How you can help your child:
1) Remember that this is a difficult time for them. They don’t want to feel out of control, upset, confused, agitated or anxious and yet they are right now. No one WANTS to feel those emotions, and will naturally try to do whatever they can to either get away from the situation causing them, or lash out in frustration if it’s an internal situation they cannot remove themselves from.

2) Don’t overload them. If recently you’ve been helping them to learn how to cope with a specific sensory issue, or speech production issue such as pronunciation, remember that even when they are not going through a growth spurt they have to expend mental energy to master things such as being able to touch grass or pronounce an “s” sound correctly. Don’t stop working on goals already started, but don’t add additional ones until they have mastered the goals they are currently working on.

3)  Every person has a way they communicate, listen/watch extra carefully to theirs to learn more about what ways they are specifically struggling with the most. Help them to create plans to work through such issues, or if they are too young to either make the plans themselves or with help, make them for your child.

4) Watch yourself. If you are having a difficult time staying calm remember that you have the right to feel however you do, it’s how we react to our emotions that is either okay or not. Take time for yourself, especially if you are extremely frustrated. As long as your child is in a safe environment there is nothing wrong with stepping into the next room to take a few minutes to regain your composure. Or if you can, find someone you trust to babysit and go out, even a trip to the grocery store alone can be enough to come back to your child ready to help them in the ways they need.

5) Nothing lasts forever, even growth spurts. Eventually they will hit a “lull” in their growth for a few or even several months at which time it will be easier for them to handle all that our fast-paced society throws at us.

 

References:

Billeci, Lucia, Sara Calderoni, Michela Tosetti, Marco Catani, and Filippo Muratori. “White matter connectivity in children with autism spectrum disorders: a tract-based spatial statistics study.” BMC Neurology. N.p., 29 Nov. 2012. Web. 18 July 2014. <http://www.biomedcentral.com/1471-2377/12/148&gt;.

 

Giedd, Jay N., Jonathan Blumenthal, Neal Jeffries, F.X. Castellanos, Hong Liu, Alex Zijdenbos, Tomas Caron Paus, Alan C. Evans, and Judith L. Rapoport. “Brain development during childhood and adolescence: a longitudinal MRI study.” . Nature Neuroscience , 1 Jan. 1999. Web. 18 July 2014. <http://www.nature.com/neuro/journal/v2/n10/full/nn1099_861.html&gt;.

“The brain from top to bottom.” Le cerveau à tous les niveaux. N.p., n.d. Web. 18 July 2014. <http://thebrain.mcgill.ca/&gt;.

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