Behind starburst eyes

Value and Worth Aren’t The Same

I’ve noticed that many people seem to be attracted to or pulled towards those that see their value. Western society seems to equate someone noticing all we could do for them with importance and therefore we crave our value being recognized by others.

What I’ve also noticed is that we seem to view our value to others as being the same as our worth. Only, I don’t see it that way. For me, my value is what I can do for another, my worth is what I bring to the table as a whole. One is about what I can do for them, the other is simply about me as a person.

For example, when Mr.N was a year old my value to him high as he needed allot of things because he was only a baby, but my worth was low because I was not viewed as an individual so much as I was the provider of food, comfort, clean diapers and security. However, now at almost 10, he can feed himself, cook basic meals, wash and dress himself and so on and so my value is lower but my worth is higher because he sees more of who I am as a person. This is a natural progression for children of course.

However, I think for many adults we still get stuck looking and evaluating people based on their value instead of their worth. Basically, we get stuck focusing on what specific dishes they bring to our table that we can consume instead of the worth they bring to our table with their presence.

While I’m sure part of this is due to a primitive survival mechanism that makes us seek out those that can help us have a better life (or thrive), I wonder if it’s something we need to consider as no longer inherently necessary.

How much better would it be if we attempted to develop relationships (platonic as well as romantic) with those who’s worth we saw instead? Would we be happier overall if we stopped focusing on what others can actively do for us and intentionally developed relationships based on the worth we saw within others instead?

I ponder these things because secretly adults that primarily view my value feel like a burden to be honest, I feel like the only reason they ask me to their table is for what I can provide that they will use/consume. I want to be invited because they see my worth as a whole person, not for what I can do for them, and I don’t view my value to another and my worth as a person to be the same thing.

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Time will tell the follow up

Well I spoke with the owner of the dance studio. Indeed one of the staff did tell “B” that C was Autistic.

Apparently C was having issues in class, he was running around, stimming and not focusing. Well normally when a child is running around, and not focusing while another dancer is showing their moves said child is gently repremanded for their poor choice and the lack of care for the other dancer that it shows the dancer. C was not chastised. He was allowed because the dance instructor felt that he was having a great deal of difficulty that day and they were being kind to him by not holding him to the same standard of expected behavior that the rest of the students were held to.

This upset “B” greatly, and I totally understand how it would! So when “B” went to talk with them about why it was that way for C but not anyone else it was then that “B” was told about C being Autistic.

I was not there, I do not know how C was feeling/dealing with feeling at the time. I know when I spoke to him he mentioned that he’d been having a very hard time dealing with trying to sit still while the other dancers showed their routines to the class. I can NOT judge what happened in regards to the instructor allowing C to have a different standard of behavior than the rest, all I know is that a) I truly believe the instructor did what they felt was best with care in their heart for my son. And b) I saw less enthusiasm from “B” about seeing C at the dance competiton than I was hoping to see. Could have been because of the competition itself, I don’t know. Again, only time will tell. But for C’s sake I hope that his friend can see past the word Autism and see that C is still the same boy he liked before.¬†

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