Behind starburst eyes

He looked straight ahead…

on October 14, 2022

Nearly 15 years ago I wrote about watching my (at the time only) boy walk away from me and towards the adventure of joining other kiddos at a new program at our local community centre. I stood and waited while he was going in incase he looked for the reassurance that I was still there…for the first time he didn’t look back.

He was confident and secure and beginning to spread his little wings. A woman looked at me and asked if he was my first. At the time I responded that he was my only one. She attempted to reassure me by telling me I’d be more “free and easy” once I had another. That I wouldn’t be standing there with my heart in my throat as he walked away when I had other wee ones as well.

He’s now 1 of 5 children that call me mum, and yet the tears still came as I watched him walk away today. I didn’t feel any different than I had 15 years ago; I was still holding my breathe and waiting to wave and smile encouragingly if he looked back…only he didn’t look back this time. He walked with confidence through security towards his solo flight across the country to visit his bestie on the east coast. I’m glad he didn’t look back, for his sake because I was crying and I knew his still gentle heart wouldn’t want to see my tears…for my sake because as hard as it is to watch him walk away I’m so filled with pride at the confidence that filled his stride as he headed towards a new adventure without me.


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