Behind starburst eyes

The Mythical “Everything”

on December 18, 2015

I started a contract position with a local company 3 weeks ago. I’ve been struggling since I started, in small part due to the work itself, but mostly due to trying to find the time in the day to accomplish “the everything” It’s right before Yule so of course I’m already in “go overboard” mode, add in  spending 8-9 hours each day at work right now and it’s a recipe for disaster.

Logically I knew that, and I tried to be gentle with myself. I would say things to my husband or mom such as “it’s okay if I don’t get everything done” or “I am aware that no one can do the everything and I won’t make myself sick trying” Only I was lying to them and myself every time I said it.

A fellow homeschooling mom tried to gently remind me I needed to give myself Grace as well. That I have an amazing son (she only knows my eldest boy) and that I need to be kind to myself as well.

Yet despite all that, I went home early from work yesterday because a migraine hit that I couldn’t shake no matter what I did. I’m not surprised, really I ‘m just surprised it waited as long as it did to hit. I typically get them from stress and spreading myself too thin. A way for my body to remind me I need to slow down and breathe sometimes too.

So I have spent this morning cuddling with the wee ones while we watch pbs kids, because sitting with them and being truly present with them is also part of the everything.

Now that doesn’t mean I won’t try to attempt to accomplish the mythical everything, cause honestly I know I still will, it’s part of who I am to push myself as far as I can and do as much as possible each and every single day. BUT I will try and balance personal care within my day…a little…sometimes…maybe…

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